and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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