kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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