apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
