I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
