Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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