i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
