Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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