Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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