Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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