Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
