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Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
