i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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