im drinking this country out of the recession.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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