It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
3pm strippers are depressing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
