everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
