its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
