Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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