I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
