Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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