He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
