plz talk dirty to me
I'm going to jail i love you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
