I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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