Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
