i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
