she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
