this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
