High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
