i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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