Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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