he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
