If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
