I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
