I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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