The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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