And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
