Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
