i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
