Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
