cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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