You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
