apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
