Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
