Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
