So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
