he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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