now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
