my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
