my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
