look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
