why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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